Learning to Live by the Boy Scouts Motto

Whoever said that a new baby will bring nothing but pure joy and sunshine to a relationship was obviously delusional. I'm not saying that I don't love my child or that I don't enjoy the new life in my family; I do. I cherish the ground he has yet to learn to walk on. What I'm saying is that no one ever really explains how trying a new baby can be on a young couple... especially with the very first child.

Before the birth of our first child we were both number one in each other’s eyes. Now that number one is the bouncing baby boy that we prayed so hard to have. This is not a complaint, I'm merely just stating that there is a huge adjustment. First, being the mom, I sacrificed so much sleep. I've learned to function on just three hours of consecutive sleep in the very beginning. Luckily, that short-stint of sleeplessness only lasted about three months. Now, I'm very spoiled and can sleep for seven to eight hours like every other normal human being on the earth. I can't very well say that Dad has felt the sacrifice as I had in the sleep department, but he also went to work every day while I stayed home. It's something we had to do just to make sure money kept coming into our home.

Speaking of money, no one tells you that it gets so tight. Well, it's said in passing, but I never really grasped how things would be when we went from two decent incomes to just one. We did not want to put a newborn in daycare and worked hard to find a way for me to stay at home with Brady. Groceries are still paid for and the bills are on time, but there is not much for discretionary spending that we had become accustomed to having our first five years of marriage. We have been perpetually cash-strapped for three months straight now. We did save some money for any unforeseen hard times we might come upon before Brady was born... and we are officially starting to tap into that savings. I guess it's good we were prepared. It's also such a good thing that I was offered a great job to work part time and bring the baby to work with me. That should help to really supplement our income. I'm truly grateful for that opportunity and look forward to starting that job soon.

The new definitions of roles are very fuzzy in the very beginning. Not only was I sleep deprived, I felt a little out of sorts. I had no real idea what my role should be. I felt guilty using the TV and having the computer on at the same time. It's a bit irrational, but I felt that if I used too much electricity then I was not helping out our household. I felt like I had to do the dishes, the laundry, and clean, then cook dinner, take care of the dog. All of this on top of being on Brady's beck-and-call. It was a very awkward time for me. I had been working since I was fifteen. It took a little while, but now I'm pretty used to being at home and realize my main job is to be here for my growing baby. All the rest of the chores come secondary. Going back to work part time will really help me to feel like I'm contributing to our household. Being a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) has its glamorous connotations, but without friends who are in the same situation, it can seem very lonely. I know, cry a river.

One of the changing parts of having a new family is the fact that every morning the baby gets a warm smile and a kiss first. Kyle says hello to Brady when he gets home from a long day of work before he acknowledges me. Sometimes I think even our dog, Monkey, gets a greeting first. I know that I am not the best at welcoming Kyle home, especially if I just got the baby down for a nap. Our son has swiftly become the center of our world. I know that Monkey feels the pinch in his attention-getting as well. No finger pointing here, just realizing that our child brings so much joy, we will do anything to receive a toothless grin.

Sometimes it feels like having a new baby creates difficulties in doing things we want to do. It's not that we necessarily miss going out on the town and partying like it's 1999, but just everyday things can turn into major events. We really have to plan to do anything with a baby. He needs a nap every two hours, at least, and it's difficult to plan around those naps right now. Anyone who claims that life with a new baby is easy, and that they have to follow the parents' schedules, must not have had a baby in the past year, or are superhuman. I try my best to do things with Brady and try to be as prepared as possible. I've come to realize when push comes to shove, a tired baby needs a nap when he needs it, and there is nothing you can do to console him in public. I guess that just comes with parenthood.

I felt compelled to acknowledge the changes in our lives because I never really seem to hear from fellow moms about how the family dynamics evolve after a baby is born. Mom and Dad each need to be acknowledged for more than just being the breadwinner and the homemaker. I think it's important to remember that even though we love our babies, sometimes to a point of pure narcissism, we need to remember that it took two people to make the new family. As my sister quoted to me, "In love, both parties need to give at least 70% of themselves. If both are giving 70%, both are putting the other first, and both are getting their fair share of 100% attention". All we can do is try to do better every day. Babies truly bring bliss and happiness to a home. Everything is new and fascinating with a newborn. Sometimes we just need a knock on the head to remember that a baby can adjust to different environments with practice. Life as we knew it doesn't have to end, just move forward. I guess a little more planning ahead really never hurt anyone anyway.

"Be prepared for life - to live happily and without regret, knowing that you have done your best. That's what the Scout motto means."

The Fit's Gonna Hit the Shan

Tiny's hair is finally starting to grow back in. He had a full head of hair when he was born (the heartburn during pregnancy paid off), but it all fell out after just a couple of weeks. It's still got the charm of "old man" hair in the back and reminds me of Frank from the TV show "Everybody Loves Raymond". Part of me wants to just shave off the bottom part of his baldness, but realize I shouldn't. It will grow back... and it is... slowly...

His eyebrows are starting to darken and his eyes are changing, slightly, to a more brown/hazel appearance. Our hopes for a blue-eyed baby boy are fading with each day. Neither Kyle nor I have blue eyes, we just thought maybe our family genes would skip us and give him the dazzling sparklers. Oh well, he's just as cute with darker eyes.

Our little man is teetering on the brink of learning how to laugh. He smiles broadly at us and does a "huh-uh" sound. It's high-pitched and sounds like the start of a giggle. He just hasn't learned the follow-through. I am so excited at the prospect of his learning this wonderful baby skill. Baby giggles are the best! I tickle him at every chance I can, in hopes that he will bust an adorable gut.

He's rocking and trying to roll now, too. We will lay him on his back and he will rock himself from side to side. Tiny's little body will get most of the way rolled over, but his noggin will hold him back. I suppose it is larger than his body right now, so maybe it's heavy. We try to inspire his developing rolling abilities by placing Tiny on his stomach as often as we can. He is not too fond of the tummy time on the floor and would prefer to do that while laying on top of our stomachs and cooing at us. He just turned 14 weeks this past Friday, so I'm not in too much of a hurry to get him rolling. According to a child development book I skim, only half of babies can roll over by four months. So there is no need to push him, I only encourage.

This past week has been a really great week for Brady's maturation. He met his Uncle Jake for the first time and I was able to leave him with Jake for an hour or so at a time. He did not seem to care if neither of his parents were with him. It is refreshing to know that he is a calm baby even for people outside his immediate circle.

Tiny has recently learned to fall asleep on his own for naps in his crib in his own bedroom. We used to rock him to sleep in his bouncer with a pacifier when he needed a nap. Now, I've officially learned to watch him for signs of being tired. His threshold for alertness is 1 & 1/2 to 2 hours max. He is growing more able to stay awake for the longer stretches and sleeping for shorter spans. This is great for me. He officially seems to know that day is for play and night is for sleep. He can sleep eight hours at a time at night. He gets the bulk of his feedings early in the day and will eat every couple of hours before bedtime. I have learned to lay him down while he is still awake and happy. I notice if he blinks really slow and know that's a first signal of tiredness. If he starts to grab at his ears or ball his fists near his eyes, I know it's time to lay him down. He will usually also let out a little whimper. Especially if it coincides with the two-hour mark. He's been a tremendous sleeper for naps. His fussy time is shorter than ever. He fusses for maybe fifteen minutes a day. He's growing up so fast, I can hardly believe it.

Tiny is officially fitting into six month onesies. He seemed to totally skip over the three month sized clothes and he's only three and a half months old. I never really realized how fast babies really grow. There are some outfits that he never even got to wear. He just grew too fast! If our second baby is a boy, then it will be nice to still have new outfits for him. If the second little one is a girl, then the poor thing will be instant "tomboy", with or without her consent.

Our Brady is an active baby boy, bouncing in his chair and able to hold himself up for more time while he sits. His head is significantly less wobbly and he's so alert and communicative. He loves to "oooouuuuu" and "aaaah" and cough to get our attention. He does "super-fast-baby-kicks" with the help of his daddy and I have a feeling that will induce baby giggles in no time. I can not believe he has been a part of our family now for fourteen weeks. Sometimes it feels like he's been here forever and others it feels like just yesterday he was born. I still can't believe that someday in the future Brady will be on TV waving "Hi MOM", and that will be me. It is really quite an honor to have this role.

Short on time, long on love

There are some sad news in the Hollywood world. John Travolta's son died over the weekend. He was only 16 years old. Travolta was a very committed and loving father. I couldn't even begin to imagine the trauma and pain he must be feeling over the loss of his young son. Matt Bryant of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers lost his baby son a few months back in his sleep. How do people ever cope? From what I've been hearing, a baby will fill you with more love than you've ever thought possible. You will love from the crevices and nooks of your heart you didn't even know could hold love. I have yet to feel this, from what I have been hearing. I do love my unborn baby boy with all of my heart. But until I actually hold him, I suppose there is a bond that I have yet to form.

So this love you grow with the birth of your own child got me to thinking about life in general. Life is really so short. And it can be cut even shorter so abruptly, at any time. Silly things in life don't really matter much at all. The right type of clothing, car, house... none of that matters. It's hard to realize that. I know that we just have to do the best we can. There is no real need to strive for material things, as they hold no importance. Love really is all we need. Not to be cliche, I just believe it to be so.

I'm about to become a mom. I will no longer just be me, myself and I. I will be a MOM. A little person is going to look up to me for everything in his life until he can figure things on his own (doesn't that start at twelve?). My parents will become grandparents. My grandparents will be great grandparents. A whole section of our family line will be formed. My siblings and I are no longer the "kids" of the family. With the birth of our son, he will start the new line of "kids".

Is this what our parents felt when they first started their families? We are so young. How do we know anything about children? We just all go about our everyday lives and don't think about the reason we are here. We just worry about "stupid" things like bills and worldly things. We don't ever seem to put our families and friends first as much as we should. We don't seem to treasure life as much as we do when there is a new life.

I know that giving birth to our boy will bring a new meaning to life. We will feel a powerful love that we have never felt in our lives. From what I've heard, becoming a parent can really transform a person. I choose to let it transform me. I remember talking to Kyle about how it's going to be so strange to not think of myself first. I won't get to do what I want, when I want. Our boy will always come first. He reassured me that it will come naturally. I love that he has faith in my ability to be a good mom.

I don't feel that I will be the best mom ever created. I know I will make mistakes. I know that our son will one day resent me... but then he will get over it. He will know I did the best I could with what I had. I won't be the best mom in the world, but I WILL be the best mom I can be. For my son. For our family. We are only with each other for a short period. Years really aren't that long. I've got to remember to always cherish my family. Through thick and thin, dirty laundry on the floor, dirty house and dishes.