Learning to Live by the Boy Scouts Motto

Whoever said that a new baby will bring nothing but pure joy and sunshine to a relationship was obviously delusional. I'm not saying that I don't love my child or that I don't enjoy the new life in my family; I do. I cherish the ground he has yet to learn to walk on. What I'm saying is that no one ever really explains how trying a new baby can be on a young couple... especially with the very first child.

Before the birth of our first child we were both number one in each other’s eyes. Now that number one is the bouncing baby boy that we prayed so hard to have. This is not a complaint, I'm merely just stating that there is a huge adjustment. First, being the mom, I sacrificed so much sleep. I've learned to function on just three hours of consecutive sleep in the very beginning. Luckily, that short-stint of sleeplessness only lasted about three months. Now, I'm very spoiled and can sleep for seven to eight hours like every other normal human being on the earth. I can't very well say that Dad has felt the sacrifice as I had in the sleep department, but he also went to work every day while I stayed home. It's something we had to do just to make sure money kept coming into our home.

Speaking of money, no one tells you that it gets so tight. Well, it's said in passing, but I never really grasped how things would be when we went from two decent incomes to just one. We did not want to put a newborn in daycare and worked hard to find a way for me to stay at home with Brady. Groceries are still paid for and the bills are on time, but there is not much for discretionary spending that we had become accustomed to having our first five years of marriage. We have been perpetually cash-strapped for three months straight now. We did save some money for any unforeseen hard times we might come upon before Brady was born... and we are officially starting to tap into that savings. I guess it's good we were prepared. It's also such a good thing that I was offered a great job to work part time and bring the baby to work with me. That should help to really supplement our income. I'm truly grateful for that opportunity and look forward to starting that job soon.

The new definitions of roles are very fuzzy in the very beginning. Not only was I sleep deprived, I felt a little out of sorts. I had no real idea what my role should be. I felt guilty using the TV and having the computer on at the same time. It's a bit irrational, but I felt that if I used too much electricity then I was not helping out our household. I felt like I had to do the dishes, the laundry, and clean, then cook dinner, take care of the dog. All of this on top of being on Brady's beck-and-call. It was a very awkward time for me. I had been working since I was fifteen. It took a little while, but now I'm pretty used to being at home and realize my main job is to be here for my growing baby. All the rest of the chores come secondary. Going back to work part time will really help me to feel like I'm contributing to our household. Being a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) has its glamorous connotations, but without friends who are in the same situation, it can seem very lonely. I know, cry a river.

One of the changing parts of having a new family is the fact that every morning the baby gets a warm smile and a kiss first. Kyle says hello to Brady when he gets home from a long day of work before he acknowledges me. Sometimes I think even our dog, Monkey, gets a greeting first. I know that I am not the best at welcoming Kyle home, especially if I just got the baby down for a nap. Our son has swiftly become the center of our world. I know that Monkey feels the pinch in his attention-getting as well. No finger pointing here, just realizing that our child brings so much joy, we will do anything to receive a toothless grin.

Sometimes it feels like having a new baby creates difficulties in doing things we want to do. It's not that we necessarily miss going out on the town and partying like it's 1999, but just everyday things can turn into major events. We really have to plan to do anything with a baby. He needs a nap every two hours, at least, and it's difficult to plan around those naps right now. Anyone who claims that life with a new baby is easy, and that they have to follow the parents' schedules, must not have had a baby in the past year, or are superhuman. I try my best to do things with Brady and try to be as prepared as possible. I've come to realize when push comes to shove, a tired baby needs a nap when he needs it, and there is nothing you can do to console him in public. I guess that just comes with parenthood.

I felt compelled to acknowledge the changes in our lives because I never really seem to hear from fellow moms about how the family dynamics evolve after a baby is born. Mom and Dad each need to be acknowledged for more than just being the breadwinner and the homemaker. I think it's important to remember that even though we love our babies, sometimes to a point of pure narcissism, we need to remember that it took two people to make the new family. As my sister quoted to me, "In love, both parties need to give at least 70% of themselves. If both are giving 70%, both are putting the other first, and both are getting their fair share of 100% attention". All we can do is try to do better every day. Babies truly bring bliss and happiness to a home. Everything is new and fascinating with a newborn. Sometimes we just need a knock on the head to remember that a baby can adjust to different environments with practice. Life as we knew it doesn't have to end, just move forward. I guess a little more planning ahead really never hurt anyone anyway.

"Be prepared for life - to live happily and without regret, knowing that you have done your best. That's what the Scout motto means."

Bugs & Poo

Well the little one is fast asleep. He ate his usual two ounce snack of formula and had a fresh diaper before I understood what all of his wailing about. He's almost seven weeks old and I'm still learning what he needs. I think I'm getting pretty good at it. It's all a process of elimination.

On the subject of "elimination", you would think that since he cries over just a teeny bit of pee in his diaper that he would have been beyond upset last night. We were watching one of our favorite T.V. shows while Brady was smiling away in his bouncer. That thing is a true godsend (when nothing else can soothe him, that's our go-to). I leaned over to talk to Hubs and noticed a strong, foul odor rising from my tiny child. I looked at him and asked, as if he could reply, "did you poop?" Of course, he just smiled and cooed at me. So I did what any red blooded mom would do: I pulled the frills of the diaper by his leg to peak at the goods. Oh my goodness. Heavens to Betsey (insert any other exclamatory phrases in here). I have never seen so much poo in my life. Well, I have, but from a little human, it was incredible! It was oozing out of his diaper... it was like he had a mini bean bag coming out of his butt... and he was just smiling away, having a grand old time. I have no idea why this amount of poo did not bother him. I immediately pulled him from the bouncer only to find the poo had escaped and gotten on the cloth bouncer. Kyle was put on bouncer duty. Speaking of "duty", it even escaped on to his clothes. So I stripped that little boy and went to cleaning up his handiwork. He must've been proud of himself. That is the only explanation I have as to why he wasn't hysterical at the full diaper. If it wasn't so grotesque, I had even thought of taking a picture for future evidence.

I have been at home now, away from work, since Brady was born. I had no idea how this would be for me. I thought I would be bored. I guess I really just don't have much time to feel that way. Between trying to squeeze in naps when the baby is asleep, to cleaning the house, to the dishes, the laundry, getting dinner set up... all besides what I do for the baby: diapers, diapers, diapers, outfit change, feeding, soothing, etc. I just had always thought that if I stayed at home I would have nothing to do. Boy, was I wrong. I just can't seem to fit enough in my day. And this is all without leaving the house. When Kyle gets home from work, I venture out and "escape" then to Sam's Club and Wally World for groceries. It's not much excitement to shop for groceries, but I get out of the house for a couple of hours. We find ourselves learning to "live poor". Two incomes down to just one is quite the adjustment. We just don't do the things we used to. We don't go out for midweek dinners, I don't eat out for lunch, I don't use much gas in the truck, haven't done much for fun shopping. I've just been learning to figure what we actually need, instead of just what we want. When it comes right down to it, we don't really need much. I actually cleaned out my closet and had five bags of clothes to give away. These are things I have kept over the years that I haven't worn much in a while. That just shows me that I wasted money. Now, my goal is to try to buy traditional clothes, no trends. I will try harder to not buy on a whim.

Speaking of clothes, I am still bummed to find that I am much bigger than I pictured myself. I keep hoping that I will fit in my pre-maternity clothes. They are so small on me. I just can't believe how much I've grown. My hips are wider, my legs seem bigger. I know on the scale I have fifteen to twenty pounds to lose to get to my weight before I got pregnant, but I just don't see myself in the XL sizes I have to try on at the store. It could have been the particular stores I was at, or the brands I was trying, but L and XL have never really been in my clothing collection. Needless to say, I was completely dismayed after a shopping trip. I needed to get some capris and/or shorts to help with the summer heat approaching. Maternity clothes are falling off of me, and I can't fit in my pre-baby clothes. This transition really just sucks. I know that it will take a while to get back to normal and that I shouldn't be so upset. I did lose twenty five pounds since delivery, but 8 1/2 of that was Brady. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not whining, I'm changing things. I drink more water, I eat more vegetables, we are limiting fast food intake. Kyle was even so inspired with how upset I was at my weight that he jumped online to look for a treadmill. God must've been on our side, because immediately upon signing on Craigslist, he found a free treadmill. Kyle emailed the poster and got a quick response. Within two or so hours we had a treadmill in our garage. Thank goodness for an empathetic husband.

Another thing my husband is good for: killing bugs. He's very good at many, many things. Like taking the baby after he's been at work all day so I can have a mini break. He knows when I just need to get out of the house and will insist I go out and get groceries (I know that doesn't sound fun to most, but to a housebound mom, it's wonderful). In summary, my husband is a really great man and he's wonderful in many ways. There's just this bug-killing thing that he does that makes me appreciate him. And I do. Until the other night, I was brushing my teeth and he walks up to me with some news. He makes sure I'm listening and says, "there was a bug on your toothbrush, but don't worry I killed it." Now, do I continue brushing or throw the toothbrush away? This is how I know I've been around boys too long... I brushed anyway and thought to myself that it was extra protein. Does a body good.