Learning to Live by the Boy Scouts Motto

Whoever said that a new baby will bring nothing but pure joy and sunshine to a relationship was obviously delusional. I'm not saying that I don't love my child or that I don't enjoy the new life in my family; I do. I cherish the ground he has yet to learn to walk on. What I'm saying is that no one ever really explains how trying a new baby can be on a young couple... especially with the very first child.

Before the birth of our first child we were both number one in each other’s eyes. Now that number one is the bouncing baby boy that we prayed so hard to have. This is not a complaint, I'm merely just stating that there is a huge adjustment. First, being the mom, I sacrificed so much sleep. I've learned to function on just three hours of consecutive sleep in the very beginning. Luckily, that short-stint of sleeplessness only lasted about three months. Now, I'm very spoiled and can sleep for seven to eight hours like every other normal human being on the earth. I can't very well say that Dad has felt the sacrifice as I had in the sleep department, but he also went to work every day while I stayed home. It's something we had to do just to make sure money kept coming into our home.

Speaking of money, no one tells you that it gets so tight. Well, it's said in passing, but I never really grasped how things would be when we went from two decent incomes to just one. We did not want to put a newborn in daycare and worked hard to find a way for me to stay at home with Brady. Groceries are still paid for and the bills are on time, but there is not much for discretionary spending that we had become accustomed to having our first five years of marriage. We have been perpetually cash-strapped for three months straight now. We did save some money for any unforeseen hard times we might come upon before Brady was born... and we are officially starting to tap into that savings. I guess it's good we were prepared. It's also such a good thing that I was offered a great job to work part time and bring the baby to work with me. That should help to really supplement our income. I'm truly grateful for that opportunity and look forward to starting that job soon.

The new definitions of roles are very fuzzy in the very beginning. Not only was I sleep deprived, I felt a little out of sorts. I had no real idea what my role should be. I felt guilty using the TV and having the computer on at the same time. It's a bit irrational, but I felt that if I used too much electricity then I was not helping out our household. I felt like I had to do the dishes, the laundry, and clean, then cook dinner, take care of the dog. All of this on top of being on Brady's beck-and-call. It was a very awkward time for me. I had been working since I was fifteen. It took a little while, but now I'm pretty used to being at home and realize my main job is to be here for my growing baby. All the rest of the chores come secondary. Going back to work part time will really help me to feel like I'm contributing to our household. Being a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) has its glamorous connotations, but without friends who are in the same situation, it can seem very lonely. I know, cry a river.

One of the changing parts of having a new family is the fact that every morning the baby gets a warm smile and a kiss first. Kyle says hello to Brady when he gets home from a long day of work before he acknowledges me. Sometimes I think even our dog, Monkey, gets a greeting first. I know that I am not the best at welcoming Kyle home, especially if I just got the baby down for a nap. Our son has swiftly become the center of our world. I know that Monkey feels the pinch in his attention-getting as well. No finger pointing here, just realizing that our child brings so much joy, we will do anything to receive a toothless grin.

Sometimes it feels like having a new baby creates difficulties in doing things we want to do. It's not that we necessarily miss going out on the town and partying like it's 1999, but just everyday things can turn into major events. We really have to plan to do anything with a baby. He needs a nap every two hours, at least, and it's difficult to plan around those naps right now. Anyone who claims that life with a new baby is easy, and that they have to follow the parents' schedules, must not have had a baby in the past year, or are superhuman. I try my best to do things with Brady and try to be as prepared as possible. I've come to realize when push comes to shove, a tired baby needs a nap when he needs it, and there is nothing you can do to console him in public. I guess that just comes with parenthood.

I felt compelled to acknowledge the changes in our lives because I never really seem to hear from fellow moms about how the family dynamics evolve after a baby is born. Mom and Dad each need to be acknowledged for more than just being the breadwinner and the homemaker. I think it's important to remember that even though we love our babies, sometimes to a point of pure narcissism, we need to remember that it took two people to make the new family. As my sister quoted to me, "In love, both parties need to give at least 70% of themselves. If both are giving 70%, both are putting the other first, and both are getting their fair share of 100% attention". All we can do is try to do better every day. Babies truly bring bliss and happiness to a home. Everything is new and fascinating with a newborn. Sometimes we just need a knock on the head to remember that a baby can adjust to different environments with practice. Life as we knew it doesn't have to end, just move forward. I guess a little more planning ahead really never hurt anyone anyway.

"Be prepared for life - to live happily and without regret, knowing that you have done your best. That's what the Scout motto means."

Parental Practice

I have a feeling that Boobies, our yellow lab, can tell that there will be some big changes soon. He has been acting really weird lately. We switched his dog food from a more pricey $35/a bag for forty pounds of Purina One (food he's had since he was a puppy, that we love to feed him) to $20/a bag for 55 pounds of Purina Dog Chow. I know we've downgraded his food considerably, and I feel horrible. But at the rate Boobies and Monkey eat their food, we go through it so fast. We really need to tighten things up with money before the baby comes.

We know that when it comes time to switch food for our dogs, that we must mix the old with the new to transition the change. They have sensitive stomachs and we are careful to not disrupt their digestion too much. It's been about a month since we've changed their food. It seems that just recently, Boobies has been really inhaling his food. We watch him and see that he actually is sucking in his ribs to eat. Then he hacks and wheezes and sometimes even throws his food back up.

I've been trying to feed him little by little lately. That seems to help a bit. I give Monkey his food first, across the kitchen, and then I feed Boobies a teeny bit of food at a time. I try to praise him when he actually chews. He seems so ravenous. I wonder if maybe our food doesn't satisfy him and he really is starving by next meal time? It's not like he's been losing weight. I would say he's got a good build. He's not too fat like Labs get, and he's not skinny. I know that Labs have a habit of being glutenous, but this is ridiculous.

I know he doesn't have any obstructions to cause him to throw his food up, because when I feed him slowly, he doesn't regurgitate. I read on some forums that dogs can feel stress. I wonder if maybe he can sense a new arrival coming and he's worried. I feel so bad for him if he's stressed. I don't feel that Kyle and I carry our stress of the upcoming change with us, but maybe Boobies can see right past our facade.

He went from being our only "baby" since he was a puppy, to being just another dog. Monkey came into his life when he was three and lost a part of his pedestal as the best dog ever. Now, he's been watching as we work on the nursery and buy baby things, and he's probably sensing another change coming. I wonder if we need to get him a new toy and pay extra attention to him? I don't think that Monkey is as affected by any possible changes as he still acts the way he's been since we've known him. As long as he gets affection and gets to snuggle with Kyle on the couch, he is satisfied.

I'm going to keep trying to feed Boobies slow and see if that helps any. There are some bowls out there with prongs in them to help the quick eater, and if I have to, I'll buy that. A friend also suggested that we get some toys that give him a "job" to do. Maybe a new Kong or a treat ball of some sort. She thought maybe if he was a bit more active with his mind, he will feel less stress. We do take the boys for walks after work before dinner.

This must just be practice for kids... We get so mad at him for doing "stupid" things like breathing his food down and then up-chucking it all over the carpet. It's not his fault he's doing this, if it's caused by emotion or stress. We have to get over our aggravation of his behavior and try to get to the root of it. Hopefully if we pay more attention to him and show him that we love him, he will feel more at ease... Parenting practice... that's how I look at it.

How did our parents do it???

Embarking on mommyhood is very exciting to me. I am thrilled to be carrying my son right now and can't wait to meet him. I just worry about the stress I have also been carrying lately. Living in Florida after the housing bubble burst has been really been hard on our family. We bought our house two years ago with the intention of selling within two or three years. It was going to be our starter home. Housing prices were pretty much guaranteed to go up a few percent each year. We were going to take whatever equity we gained in a couple of years, sell the house, and use it as downpayment for a better house.

Well, the bubble popped and our house is worth thousands less than we paid for it. We have a loan that was not intended to be a longterm loan. Interest only for ten years was going to be okay if we were just going to stay in our house a couple of years. Now that there is no end in sight to our housing dilemna, we will have nothing paid toward our principal. It's basically like we are paying really high rent right now. This was not our plan.

We have an empty rental property on our left that has been empty for months now. I'm not complaining, as the management company does not seem to put desirable neighbors in there. The house on our right was built just a couple of years ago. It was originally purchased for $205K the same year we bought our house. Now the house is empty and is selling for $129K or less, depending on what offers come in. So that will kill any chance of our house ever increasing in value again.

We are in a rock and a hard place. Big time. Hubs has been struggling with his job due to the poor economy. People are not in the position to buy right now. No one is moving into new houses and if they are, they don't have extra income to purchase what he's selling. It really feels like a recession nowadays. I don't know how we'll get through this.

I know people have gone through worse times and managed okay. We will be okay, in the end. I know we will. I just wonder how we will get there. And until we get there, I just sit back, bewildered at how our parents ever did it. My mom and dad had three kids by the time they were my age. I'm almost thirty and we're having our first baby.

How the heck are we gonna do this? How the heck did our parents do it? Keeping my chin up as best I can. Hopefully we will find out, and it won't be as bad as I worry.