How Diabetes Affects Me

I do not have diabetes. I do not know the sting of a needle to keep my blood sugars level. I do not know the stigma of growing up learning how to become a woman and how to deal with a difficult disease. Diabetes does not have a direct impact on my life.


Although diabetes has no control over me, physically, I do feel the tugs at my heart emotionally. My sister has T1D. She has had this disease since she was fourteen years old. I was about to graduate high school when she found out. I remember we used to go school shopping for clothes and the time she tried on a size zero pair of shorts and even those were too big for her. I felt, that at the time, I was a pretty fit person and my clothing was comfortable at a size four. To see my sister waste away with no real cause was really troublesome. She used to carry around a jug of water with her everywhere she went. She was always thirsty, still eating, and getting skinnier by the week.


I was partly relieved when my parents found out she was diabetic. Some might think that as a sibling I might have been jealous of her small size... as teenage girls do tend to compare their bodies... but I wasn't. I truly worried she was getting too thin, too fast, and obviously still eating regularly. It was a relief to know that she wasn't going to die by starvation and that T1D could be dealt with.


It took my sister a while to get used to the medications. The levels were always off. Her meters wouldn't always be correct. She would have some emotional difficulties, as a young teenager, that would throw her levels out of whack. Life is tremendously challenging for any adolescent. Add in the fact that if she doesn't get her blood levels under control, she could go into a coma or die. That must've been a very frightening thought.


I have to admit I don't know as much about T1D as I should. I have just recently learned how to really communicate with my sister. Eleven years later, after her initial diagnosis, and we can finally find a reason to relate. She doesn't seem to see me as the "unaffected one who doesn't understand" anymore. I'm learning to realize that while she may put off the sense that she's got diabetes under control, that she really does need support. She needs to know I worry about her. I want to know how her doctor appointments go and if things are improving. I want to know more about T1D. I feel, as her sister, I do owe that to her.


I strive to continue in my journey to show my sister my support and love for her. I don't want to always talk about her disease because that is not all she is. She is a loving, sweet, thoughtful, beautiful person inside and out. I would rather talk about those things, but sometimes we do need to speak of the major part of her life, T1D. It is no longer a skeleton in our closet. It's a part of both of our lives because diabetes does affect me.

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http://tudiabetes.com

Short on time, long on love

There are some sad news in the Hollywood world. John Travolta's son died over the weekend. He was only 16 years old. Travolta was a very committed and loving father. I couldn't even begin to imagine the trauma and pain he must be feeling over the loss of his young son. Matt Bryant of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers lost his baby son a few months back in his sleep. How do people ever cope? From what I've been hearing, a baby will fill you with more love than you've ever thought possible. You will love from the crevices and nooks of your heart you didn't even know could hold love. I have yet to feel this, from what I have been hearing. I do love my unborn baby boy with all of my heart. But until I actually hold him, I suppose there is a bond that I have yet to form.

So this love you grow with the birth of your own child got me to thinking about life in general. Life is really so short. And it can be cut even shorter so abruptly, at any time. Silly things in life don't really matter much at all. The right type of clothing, car, house... none of that matters. It's hard to realize that. I know that we just have to do the best we can. There is no real need to strive for material things, as they hold no importance. Love really is all we need. Not to be cliche, I just believe it to be so.

I'm about to become a mom. I will no longer just be me, myself and I. I will be a MOM. A little person is going to look up to me for everything in his life until he can figure things on his own (doesn't that start at twelve?). My parents will become grandparents. My grandparents will be great grandparents. A whole section of our family line will be formed. My siblings and I are no longer the "kids" of the family. With the birth of our son, he will start the new line of "kids".

Is this what our parents felt when they first started their families? We are so young. How do we know anything about children? We just all go about our everyday lives and don't think about the reason we are here. We just worry about "stupid" things like bills and worldly things. We don't ever seem to put our families and friends first as much as we should. We don't seem to treasure life as much as we do when there is a new life.

I know that giving birth to our boy will bring a new meaning to life. We will feel a powerful love that we have never felt in our lives. From what I've heard, becoming a parent can really transform a person. I choose to let it transform me. I remember talking to Kyle about how it's going to be so strange to not think of myself first. I won't get to do what I want, when I want. Our boy will always come first. He reassured me that it will come naturally. I love that he has faith in my ability to be a good mom.

I don't feel that I will be the best mom ever created. I know I will make mistakes. I know that our son will one day resent me... but then he will get over it. He will know I did the best I could with what I had. I won't be the best mom in the world, but I WILL be the best mom I can be. For my son. For our family. We are only with each other for a short period. Years really aren't that long. I've got to remember to always cherish my family. Through thick and thin, dirty laundry on the floor, dirty house and dishes.