Glucose Girl & the Numb Butt

I took the day off yesterday to get my blood work done. Sounds like an easy day off, right? Wrong. It was the longest morning of my life!!

I had to fast from midnight the night before until my morning appointment. Luckily mine was at 8AM, but that didn't mean that they would be ready for me. I had to get the glucose levels tested for Gestational Diabetes. I've already taken a one hour test and failed it by just 16 points. This was a three hour test. Yay, me. This was going to be a torturous morning!

I arrived on time with a couple minutes to spare. I signed in, handed over my paperwork, and waited. And waited. After what seemed like three hours, I was called back to get started. My belly already started its morning rumble. My first tube of blood was drawn.. That wasn't so bad.. The technician handed me a bottle of Orange. It wasn't juice, it wasn't soda, it was just Orange. I had to chug it within five minutes. Sounds easy, doesn't it? It tasted like orange cough syrup; it was not easy. Especially on a very cranky and empty stomach! I told myself it was a liquor shot. I used to drink the grossest alcoholic drinks (before I was pregnant, of course!) and with no problem. This was harder because I knew I wasn't going to get a buzz.

It was already 8:30AM. Oy! I had to get my blood drawn three more times; once an hour. That means that I won't be eating any food til at least noon! I sat in the waiting room and was overwhelmed by people dressed in stale cigarette smoke and strong perfume. Okay, the wooziness was setting in. I found a 3 month old Parenting magazine and tried to focus on all the pretty babies. I tried to distract myself by texting on my cell phone. I hoped that would make the time pass.

It finally did. It was 9:30! I looked up and sent my subliminal message that an hour had passed. I overheard, "it's time for the Glucose Girl to get her blood drawn". Yup, that was me, Glucose Girl.

Back in my blood chair the technician pushed a needle in my arm. No problem... if I look away while it's going in, I don't notice the pain. Then I don't mind looking at the blood going into the tube. So I looked, and there wasn't any blood yet. What the hell? She started to move the needle around, in search of veins. OUCH!! She kept shifting the needle around, looking for gold. It was not going to happen for her. She apologized and tried my left arm. Yay. Luckily, when I looked away and then back at the tube, my precious red was flowing. Yippee. By this time, I swear my hand was turning purple. I started to see the world get floaty. I suppose that was the time the pure sugar I had the hour before was kicking in. Just about as soon as I notice the wavy surroundings, I felt my foot tap to a beat of its own. Yup, the sugar rush had officially started.

With this new energy, I was sent back to the lobby to wait another hour before my needle poke. I never felt so uncomfortable! I have decided that waiting three hours on an empty stomach with a baby kicking around in the belly would be the perfect form of torture! I felt Brady kick to his special beat; the one where he kicks the crap out of my cervix. He was probably as antsy as I was. I hadn't fed him since the night before. I repositioned myself and once again gagged on strong, over-priced perfume that hung in my nose from the stench in the room.

10:30 finally arrived and I went back for my third tube of blood. I complained to the technician that it really seemed unfair that a pregnant lady has to go through this. She told me that she had a woman who failed her first one-hour test by one point and had to do the three-hour test. One point! The technician and I agreed that if they had just told us to fast for the one-hour test, our results would be more accurate! I personally can smell a conspiracy. If they find that I do, in fact, have gestational diabetes, then this won't be all moot. But I have a feeling they won't find much more than the fact that I had Orange juice before my original testing appointment. Note to self: fast before first screening to avoid this experience in the future.

I was able to muddle through and survive the sugar crash before my final extractment at 11:30. It was so hard to not just pull up a chair and spread out and sleep. I almost asked if it would be okay to go to my car and nap. I survived though. The last vial taken, and I was a free woman! I called Kyle, told him to get ready, we were going to McDonald's!! What, did you expect something nutritious? Preggers needed some food NOW!