Unscheduled Delivery

Based on emails I receive weekly from a plethora of baby-making sites, Brady is getting locked-and-loaded, and ready to come into the world. I think I am ready for him to arrive. Part of me is ready to see my feet again and to feel like myself again. Another part of me is kind of afraid of what it will be like to not carry a baby. He's been a part of me for so long now. While I have been counting down the whole duration of my pregnancy, I think a part of me was in denial the day would actually come.

Brady is a full-term baby now. He can survive outside the womb anytime he decides to join us in the breathing world. It still baffles me that he went from the size of a needle tip to a full fledged little human. He will go from breathing liquid to inhaling air, only to never be able to breathe liquid again. It amazes me. I know I should know all of this stuff from Biology class, but it never really sinks in until it happens to you. Kinda like how our parents wanted to bestow their hard earned knowledge of life on us, only to have us make our own mistakes and learn on our own. I just won't believe anything until I see it for myself.

People ask me if I'm ready for the baby. Then they mention that I look like I'm going to pop. Yup, I used to say that to pregnant women too. It's really gross to think that people see me and think of me exploding. It really eeks me out. There are some times where I really feel like I will pop, though.. My skin feels so tight and I tell myself that it's okay, I can't possibly grow anymore. Then I do. I am due for a weigh in on Friday. I'm sure if I haven't reached 200 yet, that I will soon. I just really wanted to stay below the Deuce plus club. Oh well. I've only gained about 40 pounds so far. I guess I am okay with that. As long as it brings me a healthy baby, I'll gain three hundred pounds for him if I have to.

I think that we are ready for Brady, by way of actual things. I think. We still don't have any bottles or pacifiers. We don't have a lot of play time things. We don't have a high chair or even a diaper bag. But then I tell myself that a lot of those things won't really be needed for a while. He won't be able to do more than eat, pee, poop and sleep for a while. He won't need toys or a highchair for a little bit. So, I think that since we have clothes for him and a place to lay his sweet head, we have what we basically need. Right? Yeah, I'm probably wrong. I've learned that a lot with this pregnancy. Just when I think I know what I'm talking about, I'm proven just how clueless I am. I don't know why I even try to fake it.

I wonder how I will do when it comes time for delivery. I'm really in denial about how that will happen. I haven't taken any classes. I watch a lot of "Baby Story" on TLC. I basically believe that I just gotta go with the flow on this. I don't know what to expect and I have to remind myself that people have been giving birth for thousands of years. It's a relatively simple procedure for hospitals nowadays. I tell myself that it will all be a blur to me. I will go through the motions and then it will be over and done with. I figure that is why there is really no need to stress about the "what ifs". Although, being a natural born worrywart, I really doubt my abilities to not freak out. I find myself doubting that we even saw all ten fingers and toes on the last ultrasound we had almost 20 weeks ago. I keep worrying that maybe they missed something. But, I know that our ultrasound tech was very good at looking at everything. She counted all chambers of the heart, saw the stomach, bladder, saw no cleft lip.. counted toes, fingers. She was very thorough. I guess I'm just doing the nervous first time mom thing.

One of my oldest friends told me that when I see Brady for the first time it will feel like I've always known what he looked like. She said that when she saw her baby girl for the first time, she felt that she had always known her and always loved her. It's amazing how that works. How can you go from complete strangers to feeling like you've connected your whole life? I guess that is how soul mates work. Our child will be our soul mate.

Poor Brady. If things go as I think they do, he chose to have us as parents. Poor boy, he really has no idea what he got himself into when he picked us. We're gonna be those parents who embarrass the crap out of their kid just cuz it's so darn funny! He will be loved, no doubt, but he sure is in for it!