Fleeting thoughts

Now, before judgment is passed on me, please remember this is purely hypothetical. I am not a scientist or a theorist. I do not have any facts to back myself up and haven't researched any of the unusual thoughts I have in my head. I just merely want to put them down "on paper" so my son can laugh at me in the future. If that's all that I get out of this, I'm really fine with it. Moms turn from all-knowing, to completely dumb in just 18 years... So I'm prepared.

Some mornings I lay in bed and think about the little boy that is growing in my belly. I know that stresses and anxiety can affect him, so I try my best to avoid situations that would make my heart race. I know that when I laugh, he seems to move more. I know that my disposition can really affect how he will be outside of the womb. Or is that all theory too? Not really sure. This is all really new to me. I'm trying my best to just enjoy the ride. I'm not trying to wish away my pregnancy. I want to enjoy it. I want to be surprised and confused and astonished by the life that is growing inside.

Anyway, this all leads me to wonder if my baby can feel other feelings I may have in the course of a day. For instance, when I have a dream, I can be stressed or happy. Can he feel those emotions? I can't control my subconscious. Last night I dreamed I was waitressing and my section was slammed. I could not keep up with the customers. I was really disheveled and my food was never coming up in the window so I could deliver it. I couldn't get orders right. Can my teeny one pound spermy maker feel that anxiety?

Then I got to thinking about how I, as a future mom, might be preconditioning my baby now, in the womb? I know that being pregnant puts a lot of pressure on my bladder. I do pee a whole lot more than I used to. I try not to drink too many liquids before bedtime to reduce getting up in the middle of the night. Well, I got to thinking about how that might stimulate a baby to wake up more in the middle of the night if I keep getting up to pee. I wonder if that is possible? So now, I find myself stupidly crossing my legs in bed trying to hold it. Probably that strain alone wakes the baby anyway, if he is asleep. So it's not really a win-win situation, is it? Hmmm.

One more really strange thought that I have been having lately that will probably be laughed at when he reads this. I get songs in my head a lot. I like to think of them and replay them a lot. I can hear it perfectly in my mind's ear. I know my baby boy has a brain now. I wonder if he can feel my mental rhythm? I know I am calmer when I think of music in my head. I wonder if it calms him too? Even if I can't actually physically hear it? Can he sense the calm I might have from a particular song in my head? Can he feel a beat?

I know, I should just stop now, while I'm ahead.

A kick in the gut never felt so good!

It was just barely six o'clock in the morning.

I had to wake up to get ready for work in just a half hour or so. I laid in bed, on my side, as usual, since I've heard it can be dangerous to sleep on my back and have avoided it as much as humanly possible (and boy, do my hips ache at night!!). Suddenly, I started to feel a rumbling in my stomach. Unlike any rumbling I've felt before. I was sure it was gonna produce the loudest trumpet fart ever recorded in any Guiness Book. I was happy I would have payback for Hub's "Bear Song" that kept me awake again last night.

Then, nothing happened. I felt the rumbling again. Like a wave of bubbles swirling around (picture the surf on the sand by the ocean). I was sure this was gonna produce something satisfying by way of major noise. Nope. Nothing. I put my hand on the lower side of my stomach and pressed. The rolling bubbles happened again.. Then I felt it: a ***THUMP*** on my hand. An actual ***THUMP***. I have been feeling the baby move internally for a while now. Feels more like someone is grasping around on my organs. I hadn't felt anything externally til this morning!! I was so excited!! I just couldn't believe it was actually happening!! Almost 21 weeks and it's really happening! This little boy is really real!! I've known he is real, it just hasn't really sunk in. I've just been getting a belly... and lots beer can do the same thing.

So I pushed and prodded on my belly to get the baby to move again. It was intoxicating! Usually when I poke and prod nothing happens. Now I can feel him respond to my hand!! It's so wonderful!! It's just so amazing to me that just a few hours earlier last night I could feel nothing. Then just overnight, I wake up, and there is a human in my belly that can kick and punch and swirl! And I can actually feel him!!

I delayed going to wake up Hubs to have him feel it, cuz I was afraid if I moved from my spot that baby would stop moving. So I soaked it up for a good thirty minutes and decided it would be fair to share. But of course, baby was done with his aerobics for the morning. Oh well, maybe next time.

What the heck is that?

After a fitful night's toss and turn on the futon (Hubs likes to snore and I can't sleep during his "Bear song"), I woke up to find that my belly button has grown a little head. Not a pretty little baby head (if it existed)... a Pimple-like head. Gross. I am 20 weeks pregnant now and had a piercing in my belly button for ten years. I did remove the piercing months ago, so I am beyond shocked at what I have discovered. It's not pretty.

I blame a lot of strange things happening to my body on pregnancy. This is going to be my first baby. I am really excited about creating a life. It's thrilling to me. I'm actually okay with getting bigger. I am okay with stretch marks and swollen feet--I know it's for a good cause.

Here is my list of things I am NOT okay with:

Pimples on my face in places I haven't seen since puberty: cheek, chin, nose, in my nose, forehead (I thought your skin was supposed to glow during pregnancy, not radiate like Rudolph's nose!)

Flaking chin skin--> I feel more like a snake shedding a layer and it doesn't quit. No amount of moisturizer seems to help.. just makes me break out with a layer of peeling on top of it.

Constipation--> no amount of fiber seems to make this less of an irritant! I already told Hubs that when I deliver and the fabled "poop on the table" comes, I will shout with joy! I will be so happy and proud.. Not embarrassed. Ten months of nothing will be so relieving, even if it is accidental!

Peeing... all of the time... even when it's been a while since I've had something to drink. I can manage to pee at the drop of a hat. It seems to be my new favorite pastime! That gets really annoying.

Blurring vision and red eyes. Now when I'm stumbling into things like a blind lady, I also get to look like I've wept for days on end. Seems Visine can't even fix this issue. Looks like the contacts will be rested and I will have to get used to my glasses. Peripheral vision will be forfeited so I can see straight ahead again.

Oh, and how can I forget this pimple thing on top of my belly button??? I already cleaned out the button area (it's amazing how much lint can accumulate in there if you forget about it). I'm actually a pretty clean person, belly buttons just get neglected I think. But this thing that has developed? I'm really not okay with that. Will have to get some Bactine today after work. See if I can tackle this icky issue.

There are probably a hundred other things I could think of that I am NOT okay with.. Give me time. I've still got 4 1/2 more months to learn them as I go!!

Now don't get me wrong. I would have a face full of pimples and belly button heads the size of apples if it means that I get to see my baby boy. He's going to be my light and shining star. I just know I will love him more than anything else in my life. This I am certain. So for that reason I am merely complaining to complain.

Cuz I'm pregnant and what-eva, I do what I want!

My baby, not yours, and I'm NOT sharing

This is a blog I posted a few weeks back. Wanted to share:

This is my first baby, not your second chance

So far, I have noticed a plethora of rather annoying traits that come out from people when I they learn that I am pregnant. It seems that my growing belly gives people the impression that all manners are out of the window…

I barely have a belly yet, and you have an urge to touch it? For what, the extra five to ten pounds that have accumulated in four and half months? There's no baby kicking yet, you won't feel anything. You never touched me before I was pregnant, how is it okay to do now?

Leave me alone about my caffeine consumption. I have read in MANY books and forums that a safe amount of caffeine is anywhere from 150 mg to 300 mg. If I have ONE Diet Pepsi, I am not harming my baby. It has 35 mg of caffeine in it! By the lower range of safe, I could technically have almost five cans of the stuff!! Back off! It's not like I'm downing a Bud Light.

To breastfeed or not to breastfeed: This is my personal decision. I will learn as much as I can about both options and choose the one that works best for me and my family. This is not time to judge me for not choosing the "right" way to do things. What works for you works for you. I will find out what works best for me.

I want to find out the gender of my baby. Please don't look at me like I grew two heads. You can do what you wish when you are pregnant with your own baby. Please don't say I'm losing my chance at one of God's only real surprises. Wasn't a positive pee test a surprise enough? It's not like I'm choosing the gender. I'm just peeking at what God already gave me.

Okay, enough venting for now… Thank you kindly.