Rays and Getting more ZZZZs

My teeny tiny little boy is now officially a three month old. He's not as "breakable" to me anymore. I'm a bit more secure in the things I do with him: bath time not as slippery; feedings are quicker; diaper changing is something I can do in my sleep, and have done. He's developing a personality. I can sense when he's starting to get really tired and can seem to get him to sleep before he starts to get upset. He is getting better and better at Tummy Time and doesn't get mad about it after only a minute or two. We have "cuddle time" (to prevent flat head syndrome I've been warned about) and he is starting to be able to hold himself upright on his own more and more. His head is less "Ray Charles" and more steady on his neck. He's growing so fast. He's already moving into size 3 diapers. This means he's over 15 pounds already. It's so strange how we are running out of the size 2 diapers and with only four left, they suddenly seem like Cabbage Patch doll diapers. It seems instantly he's outgrown them.

The past week or so Brady has begun sleeping through the night. I have heard that anything over five hours of sleep at night is considered sleeping through. He slept almost eight hours last night. Of course, I stayed up to watch "The Notebook" on TV for the 80th time in my life. I got five hours of consecutive sleep because of that. Even that amount of sleep feels like an eternity to me! I remember my first couple of nights that he started sleeping through. I would wake up around five or six in the morning and search my nightstand desperately. I wondered if there was an empty bottle and maybe I just don't remember feeding him. Sometimes I would glance over to see if there was a still-full bottle from waking to feed him and falling asleep waiting for him to fully awake. Every time I had a mini panic attack, I realized he didn't wake up during the night, and no, I did not sleep through a hungry cry. A few mid morning freak outs and I was over worrying that he wasn't getting his 3AM feedings. While I am so relieved the "hard part" of sleepless nights is about over, I am a little sad too. My newborn baby is not so new anymore. He's maturing more and more every day. Some days we wake up to see a totally different baby. I swear he changes every night.

This past weekend we took Brady to his first ever MLB game. He got to see the Rays play at the Tropicana Field in St. Petersburg, FL. We were so excited to take him to his first baseball game. I think it was definitely more thrilling to us to take him than it was to him. He was truly mesmerized and enthralled by the domed stadium. The lights were so bright. The cowbells in the audience were so invigorating. The announcers and the music was so much louder than we remembered... or we are now parents and notice those things. I think it is the latter. Our 12 week old boy made it six innings before he was just too upset to handle it anymore. He wailed for just a minute or two during the sixth inning and I got myself some pretty nasty looks from the rows in front of us. Must've been so horrible of me to have my baby there to them. He was there for six innings, people. It's not like I just brought him in and he became devastated instantly. The more I looked around, though, the more I did see lots of little babies. It really is great to be able to take a baby with you to a game. They don't need their own seat until they are two. Seat or no seat, I took a wiped-out Brady to the cafe where they have TVs and a bit less commotion for the poor baby. He swiftly fell asleep in my lap. Luckily, I could see the game and I didn't have to make Kyle and our friend leave the game early. In the end, it was a victory: for the Rays (beat the Marlins 7 to 3) and for our boy. He was such a great baby. He could have been a crying mess the whole time, but he wasn't. I am so glad we are starting him off early. He will be a pro at going to baseball games before he's a year old!

The boy is napping, and that is how I had the time to write. Better go do something else productive while I have the time!!

Bugs & Poo

Well the little one is fast asleep. He ate his usual two ounce snack of formula and had a fresh diaper before I understood what all of his wailing about. He's almost seven weeks old and I'm still learning what he needs. I think I'm getting pretty good at it. It's all a process of elimination.

On the subject of "elimination", you would think that since he cries over just a teeny bit of pee in his diaper that he would have been beyond upset last night. We were watching one of our favorite T.V. shows while Brady was smiling away in his bouncer. That thing is a true godsend (when nothing else can soothe him, that's our go-to). I leaned over to talk to Hubs and noticed a strong, foul odor rising from my tiny child. I looked at him and asked, as if he could reply, "did you poop?" Of course, he just smiled and cooed at me. So I did what any red blooded mom would do: I pulled the frills of the diaper by his leg to peak at the goods. Oh my goodness. Heavens to Betsey (insert any other exclamatory phrases in here). I have never seen so much poo in my life. Well, I have, but from a little human, it was incredible! It was oozing out of his diaper... it was like he had a mini bean bag coming out of his butt... and he was just smiling away, having a grand old time. I have no idea why this amount of poo did not bother him. I immediately pulled him from the bouncer only to find the poo had escaped and gotten on the cloth bouncer. Kyle was put on bouncer duty. Speaking of "duty", it even escaped on to his clothes. So I stripped that little boy and went to cleaning up his handiwork. He must've been proud of himself. That is the only explanation I have as to why he wasn't hysterical at the full diaper. If it wasn't so grotesque, I had even thought of taking a picture for future evidence.

I have been at home now, away from work, since Brady was born. I had no idea how this would be for me. I thought I would be bored. I guess I really just don't have much time to feel that way. Between trying to squeeze in naps when the baby is asleep, to cleaning the house, to the dishes, the laundry, getting dinner set up... all besides what I do for the baby: diapers, diapers, diapers, outfit change, feeding, soothing, etc. I just had always thought that if I stayed at home I would have nothing to do. Boy, was I wrong. I just can't seem to fit enough in my day. And this is all without leaving the house. When Kyle gets home from work, I venture out and "escape" then to Sam's Club and Wally World for groceries. It's not much excitement to shop for groceries, but I get out of the house for a couple of hours. We find ourselves learning to "live poor". Two incomes down to just one is quite the adjustment. We just don't do the things we used to. We don't go out for midweek dinners, I don't eat out for lunch, I don't use much gas in the truck, haven't done much for fun shopping. I've just been learning to figure what we actually need, instead of just what we want. When it comes right down to it, we don't really need much. I actually cleaned out my closet and had five bags of clothes to give away. These are things I have kept over the years that I haven't worn much in a while. That just shows me that I wasted money. Now, my goal is to try to buy traditional clothes, no trends. I will try harder to not buy on a whim.

Speaking of clothes, I am still bummed to find that I am much bigger than I pictured myself. I keep hoping that I will fit in my pre-maternity clothes. They are so small on me. I just can't believe how much I've grown. My hips are wider, my legs seem bigger. I know on the scale I have fifteen to twenty pounds to lose to get to my weight before I got pregnant, but I just don't see myself in the XL sizes I have to try on at the store. It could have been the particular stores I was at, or the brands I was trying, but L and XL have never really been in my clothing collection. Needless to say, I was completely dismayed after a shopping trip. I needed to get some capris and/or shorts to help with the summer heat approaching. Maternity clothes are falling off of me, and I can't fit in my pre-baby clothes. This transition really just sucks. I know that it will take a while to get back to normal and that I shouldn't be so upset. I did lose twenty five pounds since delivery, but 8 1/2 of that was Brady. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not whining, I'm changing things. I drink more water, I eat more vegetables, we are limiting fast food intake. Kyle was even so inspired with how upset I was at my weight that he jumped online to look for a treadmill. God must've been on our side, because immediately upon signing on Craigslist, he found a free treadmill. Kyle emailed the poster and got a quick response. Within two or so hours we had a treadmill in our garage. Thank goodness for an empathetic husband.

Another thing my husband is good for: killing bugs. He's very good at many, many things. Like taking the baby after he's been at work all day so I can have a mini break. He knows when I just need to get out of the house and will insist I go out and get groceries (I know that doesn't sound fun to most, but to a housebound mom, it's wonderful). In summary, my husband is a really great man and he's wonderful in many ways. There's just this bug-killing thing that he does that makes me appreciate him. And I do. Until the other night, I was brushing my teeth and he walks up to me with some news. He makes sure I'm listening and says, "there was a bug on your toothbrush, but don't worry I killed it." Now, do I continue brushing or throw the toothbrush away? This is how I know I've been around boys too long... I brushed anyway and thought to myself that it was extra protein. Does a body good.

Huggies for a Year Program

HUGGIES is giving away 4 one-year supplies of their new Pure and Natural Diapers exclusively to Ellen fans between now and May 29th! The diapers include natural materials like organic cotton, and all you have to do to win is click here and enter! To learn more, please visit www.HuggiesPureAndNatural.com.

In addition, HUGGIES is providing 5 bonus rewards points for Ellen viewers that can be used to win more fun prizes! Simply go to www.enjoytheriderewards.com and enter code BGZQZ-JCXFC-HZPGB.
Here are some more codes that I have found that will give points:

BBWBH-SDHFQ-CJPGB
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WPBXZ - RDDNS - PPPGB
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rszng tjnph dhpgb
BBMRG-BFQGS-FBPGB

How to earn more points for Huggies:
http://sweetmama.ca/Huggies

http://community.babycenter.com/photoclubs/a6652875/adventures_in_parenting

http://www.facebook.com/login.php?v=1.0&api_key=25a1e39226da30cbcebb9d6dc591d1e1&next=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.circleofmoms.com%2Fzone.php%3Fentity_id%3D3%26entity_type%3DS&canvas

http://www.cafemom.com/group/102757

https://enjoytheriderewards.com/Default.aspx?page=earn&tab=poll&bhcp=1

https://enjoytheriderewards.com/Default.aspx?page=earn&tab=video&bhcp=1

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Here is a site I found with lots of links to great coupons for formula and diapers:
http://familyfinances.suite101.com/article.cfm/baby_formula_coupons

I Go (Sleep)Walking After Midnight

I haven't had a full night's rest in months. I think I should be delirious and delusional by now. Brady has only been here for five weeks, so it's not all from midnight feedings. I could hardly sleep at all in my ninth month of pregnancy. That doesn't make my lack of sleep any easier to accept.

Speaking of "midnight feedings"... what a lie. They are more like, 1 A.M., 4 A.M., 6 or 7 A.M. feedings. I think we are slowly teaching him that nighttime is for sleeping and daytime is for play. We try to get him to "talk" to us and to smile and play during the day. He gets tired easily and overstimulated quick. He's young. We just aren't expecting too much from a 5 week old baby. Just taking it one day, er night, at a time.

I try so hard to get him to take his last feeding around eleven o'clock at night so that I MIGHT get to sleep until 2 A.M. It never seems to happen. He will take a half ounce here, two ounces there, until around 10:30 P.M. He seems to know my ploy, and he's not having it. Crafty little bugger.

It's going on a couple of months of little sleep and I am strangely finding it bearable. It's really not as difficult as it initially was the first couple of days. That could also be the missing R.E.M. talking. Brady likes to wake me around four in the morning, screaming like he hasn't eaten in weeks. I groggily get the usual 4 ounce bottle and he guzzles about two ounces. I burp him and offer the last half. Now that he's learned to smile on his own, that's when he shows off his dimples. He pushes out his bottom lip and sometimes even spits raspberries at me to show his lack of interest in more food. I have even resorted to turning on the lights and actually loudly speaking to him, "wake up, Brady". All to no avail. Five weeks of this, and last night I finally had an epiphany. Yup, I'm going to make only two ounces at the four o'clock feeding from now on. He will get more if he wants it. For some reason the lack of sleep makes me a bit slow on the uptake. But I'm getting there.

There are some articles I've read that this gets easier every month. Then I read babies don't sleep through the night until six months, or even up to a year. If I have to go through this for a year, I MIGHT go insane. No promises, I might already be there and in denial.

In the Motha' Hood

Motherhood has blown into my town in a flurried blur. I have officially been a mom for almost a month now. I want to say that things have been a sparkly journey and that things are great and full of flowers and sunshine. I can't really say that is true. There are a lot of things about being a mother that I was not really prepared for. Sure, I've read books and I go online to forums and chat sites. Sure, I pick the brains of my new-mom friends. I just have found that no matter how much I prepared for this role in my life, I was not really quite as informed as I believed.

Nowhere in the books does it say that you may possibly go through four diapers just to get your child into a clean and fresh one. This morning, as an example, I heard a big "explosion" in Brady's diaper. I figured, a good mom would not let that sit on his butt. The acid in the poo can hurt his behind and I didn't want him to get a diaper rash. So I started changing his diaper. (Kyle calls this green/blue/black poo "mortar poop". He claims that this stuff can hold together the Empire State building.) While changing Brady, the air sparked a "fountain experience" and not only was Brady covered in poo (he likes to kick his feet into it), it rained pee all over him. Luckily, I didn't have a new diaper on him yet. He likes to hum a very specific "Poo Song". I know this from getting to know him in the past month. It's very different from his content hum that he likes to do while he sleeps. This "Poo Song" is very deliberate and performed at a lower decibel. Usually while I'm cleaning him up from his first mess, he will begin a soft-serve-effect-poo during his "Poo Song". I waited for this song to be over. And diapered him. Three diapers later, I learned he likes to perform encores. Several minutes in between.

I learned that being a new mom can be so exciting and so new, while at the same time, really hurt. In more ways than one. I learned this when I decided to breastfeed Brady. From the beginning of my pregnancy I was fairly certain that I would not be breastfeeding. I figured since I was a formula-fed baby and so were my siblings, that it was perfectly fine to use a bottle. Even my mom was formula-fed. I liked the idea of getting help to feed the baby as well. I hate to admit this, and have admitted to a very non-judgmental friend, that I found breastfeeding really unappealing. Not to seem barbaric and ignorant, it just kind of weirded me out. I know it's a natural process and it's so good and wonderful. I just didn't think that it was the right thing for me. Until Brady was born. I immediately wanted to try breastfeeding. It just felt so natural. So I did it. And he was latching properly and he seemed content and I felt that I had finally found the perfect role for myself. Mom. I felt so empowered and enabled. It thrilled me that I could provide all things needed for my child.

Well, that feeling was short lived after my stay at the hospital. I was on a lot of prescriptions to help ease my pain. I guess it must've numbed my nipples as well. I had third degree tears in and out of my perineum from Brady's delivery. I couldn't even sit to urinate. I had hemorrhoids the size of a cluster of grapes. I know this for sure, because I witnessed them first-hand when I requested a mirror during the birth. I was physically tortured from top to bottom. Cracking nipples and all, I was determined to keep feeding my baby the natural way.

Then we had a check up at his pediatrician a couple of days later, and she said he lost an alarming amount of weight. We needed to supplement him. I know that most breastfed babies lose some weight (safely up to ten percent of birth weight) first before the milk comes in. He lost more than 8.8 ounces. I was just so hurt. My feelings of inadequacy and the hormonal "dumps" had me feeling especially sad. I was not only physically in a tremendous amount of pain, but I was unable to do what I thought was so magical and important for my child. I feared family and friends would say that my giving up on breastfeeding was just because of laziness or lack of perseverance. I know that if I continued to breastfeed I would have spiraled to a sort of depression. Being unable to sit and also having pieces of flesh sticking to my bra from soreness and tearing was going to make me feel worse emotionally as well. I truly believed that if I hadn't been sore in the perineum and bum that I could have muddled through the initial stages of breastfeeding. The pediatrician even admitted that some women are just unable to provide what is needed for their child. The milk just does not come in as quick as it needs to. So we switched Brady completely to formula. I felt that I did more than I planned to, as long as he got the colostrum, he got a lot from me. After struggling through much guilt and disappointment in myself, I decided to be satisfied with that.

Another part of motherhood that evolved, that I was unprepared for, is how mortal I feel now. I don't believe that I felt immortal before I had Brady... I just feel even more aware of how human I am. I am hyper aware of everyone while driving and with everything that I do now. I noticed that I stopped at a yellow light instead of blowing through it like I used to do. I'm aware that it's not just my life in the truck anymore. I have to protect Brady as well. I think I'm especially paranoid because I never really felt like I was needed before. Now I realize that Brady needs his mom. I also have a nagging fear in the back of my mind that I might drop him. Not sure if this is normal, but I find myself watching my footing at all times. Just to be sure that the pathway is clear. He's just so fragile. While I don't want to wish away his "baby" time, I do look forward to when he can hold up his head and feel a little less "new" in that way. He's just so tiny and defenseless. I have to be extra protective of him.

There are some things I worry about as far as being a mom. I worry that my identity will be lost. That I will be confused in the midst of dirty diapers and bottles. I hope to retain myself in this transition from just wife and daughter to mother. I want to offer Brady all that I have. I hope that he never wants for anything. That we can provide for him. Not only physical things like clothing and food, but love and support. I hope that Brady knows how much we love him. Now I know how my parents felt when they raised my siblings and me. The saying is true that you never know how your parents feel until you are a parent yourself. Now I know that my parents would do anything for me. That they love and worry about me. I know that is a feeling that will never disappear.

My heart has changed. It loves deeper than it ever has. I worry more than I ever have. I try not to let the worry consume me, I just accept it, and have faith that I will be the best I can be for my son. I know that I will not be the most perfect mother in the world, I do know that I will be the best mother that I can be for Brady. I'm okay with not being perfect. I hope to teach my son the same.

It's a FeBreezy Morning

I hate to admit this, but I just Febreezed my sheets this morning before I made the bed. I usually would not do that, but Brady managed to get a little sprinkle of pee on it last night during a foggy-eyed diaper changing. I usually would toss the sheets in the washer, but I had already washed the bedding twice in just the past weekend. I figure a teeny bit of pee never hurt anyone, right? Yup, I'm officially a gross mom who can justify using Febreeze on my sheets.

Brady is here!

A quick note to let you know that our son, Brady, was born on Friday, April 3, 2009 at 10:40AM. He was 8 pounds, 8 ounces and 22 1/4 inches long. I plan to sit down with some details soon!!